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공부... 중국의 말과 발음을 빌리자면, 그것은 '쿵후'이다. 우리가 무술이나 격투기의 하나 쯤으로만 알고 있는 그것 말이다. 대상을 길들이거나 다루기 이전에 자기 자신을 갈고 닦는다는 의미에서 '쿵후'와 '공부'는 그 뿌리와 지향점을 같이 하고 있다. 나 이외의 대상을 제 것으로 취하고 정복하고자 했던 서구 이성과 과학의 입장과는 대척점에 서 있는 '공부'의 어원. 자신을 알지 못하고 다스리지 못한다면 그 외의 일들은 별반 커다랗게 의미가 없을 수 있다는 말씀. 한반도에서 태어나 유불선의 가치체계를 몸에 익히며 이와 동시에 대상세계에 대한 이성적이고 과학적인 태도 또한 유지하고 익혀야 하는 대한민국 출신의 영문학도. 최첨단 기계문명에 살고 있는 현대인들과, 수렵과 채집을 일삼았던 원시시대의 사람들 뇌의 구조와 감성의 기본은 아주 커다란 차이없이 닮아있다고 했던가. 단순함과 복잡함 사이, 순수함과 치밀함 사이, 그 사이가 곧 문명의 차이, 너와 나의, 우리와 그들의 차이라지. 픽션은 인생을 기반으로, 그것을 바탕으로 서 있지만, 픽션이 절대로 우리네 인생을 따라잡을 수 없는 이유는, 잔인하도록 펼쳐지고 마는 그 생생함에 있을 것이다. 리얼리즘도, 모더니즘도, 포스트모더니즘도, 판타지도 절대로 대신할 수 없는 그 실시간의 생생함. 단지 뒤돌아 보며 잠시 위안을 삼고 환호를 보낼 뿐. 그것도 아주 잠시 말이다. 정답이 이미 주어지지 않은 문제를 부여잡고 낑낑거리는 이유는 아주 단순하다. 우리는 아주 잘 알고 있다. 그래서 더더욱 움츠러들고 말 수가 적어지는 것. 이제, 다시, 기다려야 한다. 기다리면서 만족해야 한다. 별다른 수는 애당초 존재하는 것이 아니었다. |
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